Just when everything seems great in a relationship, something happens to turn things around. While we can’t entirely blame men for a relationship that’s going to pot, we can have fun pointing a finger or two!
The scenario: You’re seeing each other more and more; your heart races when he calls, and he calls often; it’s not just the words he says, you know he can’t wait to see you when you’re apart; he gives you flowers, surprises you with little things that mean a lot, and he’s completely with you in bed–mind, body, and spirit.
But then the day comes when slowly but surely these very things that kept you feeling alive, wanted, and desired begin to drop off one by one. He forgot to call, he missed a date, his mind is often somewhere else, and he doesn’t bother to surprise you anymore. He assures you everything’s the same, but you just don’t feel it is. What happened?
1. He’s become too comfortable.
In his mind, the chase is over.
It’s common knowledge that men love a good chase–the challenge gets them high. What guys should remember is that the reverse is also true–women love to be chased. Why? When a guy is wooing her, he is in top form. He listens to whatever the woman is saying and remembers the tiniest of details. Women love to be heard! He appears to appreciate the woman in every way.
When the chase is over, women get frustrated. Sure, their guy is still around, but he’s getting mighty boring. Getting him interested in a conversation is like pulling teeth. He begins forgetting important days and details, like what you take in your coffee, and, in some cases, more important details, like your cell number!
What men don’t always realize is that it’s NOT a major challenge to get a woman interested. Keeping a woman interested is the true challenge. If only “keeping a woman” was as revered as “getting a woman” in a man’s mind, relationships would be so much more exciting.
Advice to men: Don’t stop the chase. While you can never completely re-enact the excitement of getting to know each other, keeping a woman’s interest truly does reap rewards. She’ll be more sexually responsive, she’ll have that special glow and walk with a bounce in her step because she feels desired, and she won’t be as inclined to feel the need to get attention from other guys.
Advice to women: If being direct simply doesn’t work, then it’s time to subtly give your guy the hint that you are in need of attention. There’s nothing wrong with letting him know that there are other guys out there who are more than willing to give you the attention you’re craving, as long as you don’t go overboard in the “making him jealous” department. If you need to resort to manipulative tactics too often, then it might be time to look for someone who takes the hint; or, better yet, doesn’t need the hint in the first place!
2. His interest in other women is too obvious.
While women know that guys usually continue to look at other women, they don’t need constant reminders. It’s just plain rude to be with a woman and to do the “roving eye” thing at the same time. It’s degrading and a real showstopper.
Going so far as cheating is probably the biggest showstopper around. Maybe it “meant nothing” to the man, but it means a whole lot to the woman. Studies show that women who choose to stay with a man who has cheated get over the actual physical act of sex well before they get over the deception involved, if they ever really do. Cheating probably has its biggest repercussions in the bedroom. It can be hard to enjoy sex with a man when you know, or suspect, that he’s probably said the same intimate things to, and done the same intimate things with, another woman. A woman who has been cheated upon usually feels less than special, and a man needs to rebuild her confidence in him and in herself.
Advice to men: Keep your eye from wandering when you’re with your partner. If you’ve gone so far as cheating and she knows a little about it, come clean. Remember that the issue at hand is more about the deception involved than it is about the actual act of sex with another woman. Avoid the common mistake of adding more lies to the lies, such as telling her the tried-and-untrue “we never had sex”. While we’re not saying that you should give her gory details or tell her that the other woman was a great bang, owning up to your mistake, showing true remorse, and stopping the lies is your only bet if you want a future with her. Telling her that “it meant nothing” isn’t enough. It’s time to prove yourself and to help her to trust you again. Feeding her BS at this point will only work against you.
Advice to women: Let him know that it is completely offensive for him to be checking out other women when he’s with you. Giving him a taste of his own medicine sometimes works, but if you have to do it more than once, he’s really not getting it. If you’ve found out he’s been physically cheating, don’t pretend you are over it when you’re not. It takes a heck of a lot of time to get over something like this, and you have every right to take your time. If you find yourself holding it over his head for too long, then it’s probably time to move on.
3. He clams up so as not to “rock the boat”.
Most men become extremely uncomfortable when their girlfriends or wives are upset with them. In an attempt to avoid future such incidents, guys will often take mental notes of what upset their women, instead of trying to understand why. And, the censoring process begins! Keeping the peace, to a man, often means avoiding certain topics he thinks are volatile, even if he doesn’t know why, instead of learning what exactly made his girlfriend upset. His mental list grows over time, to the point that he is keeping his mouth shut when he probably shouldn’t, and there is a huge loss of intimacy and communication in the relationship.
An example of this is: He is talking about his friends and casually mentions that so-and-so (a female) is “just like you” because she has a similar job. This bothers you–you don’t like to be compared to so-and-so. You react, and he doesn’t quite understand what it is exactly that got you upset. He generalizes, and assumes that he can’t talk about his friends with you, or you’ll get upset. Or, he generalizes and assumes you don’t want to hear about female friends. So, he censors the topic in question instead of figuring out that you don’t like the statement “she’s just like you”.
Advice to women: If you find your guy is communicating with you less, and avoiding topics, you may have completely confused him. It’s best to explain why something he said or did bothered you, in detail, instead of just getting mad and hoping that he will figure it out. Chances are, he won’t figure it out and instead generalize the whole incident or topic as something he should avoid!
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